You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
