Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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