I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
