Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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