He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
