saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
