just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
