In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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