I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
