her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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