google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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