Im at strip club and am horny
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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