My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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