the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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