you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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