Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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