listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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