I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
