do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
