threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
