nut hugger
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
