i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
