That's intense
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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