My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize