Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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