there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
