Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Terrible idea I love it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
