Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
