If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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