Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
