Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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