WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
