omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i came on her dog
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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