Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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