A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
