We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
