it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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