Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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