Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
