and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
