someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
