Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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