I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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