we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize