Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
