My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
