Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
