I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
