and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
