Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize