I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
