dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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