I hate your face
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
