When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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