I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my shit smells like andre
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize