well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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