I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
