it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
