"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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