But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
