Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
