Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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