i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i think my cat just said my name.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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