i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
