Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
