So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
