What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
