Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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