Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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