Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
