One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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