nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
