I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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