she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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