How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
