She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
