i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
