I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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