Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
