I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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