Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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