i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish my penis had a tongue
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
