Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
