i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
MIDGETS
????
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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