hotel room ftw
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
