I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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