dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
