you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
