i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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