so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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