I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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