i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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