next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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