Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
