New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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