Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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