The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just had sex bonerless
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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