SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
