Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
