dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize