I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
