I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
