Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
