i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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