y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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