i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
