what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
