i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
