I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
