whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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