you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
