I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
