yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
