i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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