Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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