My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
